Conversations

Never Confuse Movement with Action.

Matthew 25:14-30 - "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' "The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.' "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. " 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

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Well, friends, it's been a while. A long while. It's not that there wasn't time, or that my extensive repertoire of words suddenly ran short. It wasn't that my computer spontaneously combusted, or my great great grandmother was in intensive care, or anything of the sort. In all truth, I'm not sure what I was waiting for. Being the dreamer that I am, I was probably sort of hoping for a sign or wonder or some sort of miraculous happening - a vision or direct, divine revelation to shock and astonish and entertain the world. And yet - despite all my dreaming - I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that life is not all adventure and excitement, romance and drama. In fact, it often has very little to do with any of those things. The real struggle is in the everyday, the commonplace - what we do with the time we are given.

The semester is finally drawing to a close, with all its joys and inconveniences (that's all they really are anyway), and I've learned a few valuable lessons. I feel the need to sum them up and get them into words... if they remain in wordless form for too long, they never crystallize into anything life-changing - or even thought-provoking, and are of no use to anybody (me in particular). That you all might know, the number one (#1) lesson of the semester was this:

I learned the impact of even the smallest opportunity.

I've never really been one for talking... at least not well. You can give me a month or so to plan a speech and I can come up with something real nice and forceful and convincing... but only because I wrote it all out first. ;) Confrontation - of any sort - is not something I do well. (In that aspect, I'm much like Paul.... " ") Despite my fears and shortcomings, however, I've grown to realize that I'm never going to get anywhere like this. I'm never going to make a difference in anyone's life - I'm never going to be a real part of the Great Commission given us by Christ unless I pursue - instead of wait for - opportunities. So, while I was looking (and praying intensely!) - I found a few.

It was my second to last day (yes, I was counting!) student teaching, and, as I walked across campus and up the stairs to my classroom, I began mentally kicking myself for being so... so... quiet. There had to be opportunities somewhere! Maybe I was so used to passing them by that I had forgotten what they looked like. Today, today, I told myself. Come on, old girl. Today's the day. Yeah - that's right - motivation!!! And yet, out of mere habit, I began to go through all my well-worn excuses. Come on, Hannah... it's not all about words, it's about what your life looks like. Yeah! That's the real truth. Lots of people share the Gospel. Besides, you're only supposed to teach her how to spell. Not how to pray.

I reached the door and reluctantly pulled it open, heading to my own little designated seat and desk, my smile nervously painted on as my student approached. (Ok, "approached" is a rather non-descript word, evoking a sense of calm. Repose. Let me rephrase. Correction: bounded. Lept. Flew through the air. While screaming.)

"Yes! Tuesday!" she cried, hugging me fiercely as she threw the contents of her former desk onto mine. "I'm just gonna sit here now," she said, "so you can help me all the time. Ok?"

"Um... yeah. Alright, well... just let me, uh, get my things off here and we'll get started."
What? I didn't sign up for full-time tutor. I'm a volunteer. VOLUNTEER. Definition: one who renders a service or takes part in a transaction while having no legal concern or interest. Fourth-grade translation: PART-TIME. Wasn't a good half of this supposed to be observation?

By the time I realized where my trail of thought was headed, it was too late - the words were spoken, though only to myself. But I knew Someone Else had heard. I prayed a quick prayer of repentance, and penitently threw myself into literature with Kaya.

By about 11 - Kaya's voice still droning on in the background - my eyes were semi-permanently glued to the class clock face, as that torturous second hand counted out 60 seconds. 1 minute. 2 minutes...
Noon is coming... noon is coming...

"Teacher?"

Silence.

"Miss PAASCH? HELL-O??"

"What? Huh?" My mind was suddenly jolted from its reverie and, reeling, I turned to look at my student, whose foot was gleefully employed kicking, shoving, and otherwise maneuvering mine to make me as comfortable - and lucid - as possible.

"How do you spell, um, chocolate?" (We're reading Willy Wonka.)

"C - H - O - C - O - L ..."

I glanced over at my other little friend, redhead Lydia, whose eyes were fixed on me. Kaya looked up, waiting.

"So, um... guess what I did for Easter!" I exclaimed, sensing a lull. Now's as good a time as any.

Blank stares.

"Well... let me tell you!!!! I sang six services - that's right, six - at my church on Sunday. YEAH! Do you believe that? I had to wake up at 3:30 in the morning, too, just to be there on time. I know! It was crazy, but it was great, and..."

"I don't really go to church anymore," Kaya muttered, staring down at her paper.
Oh, ok! Here's a start. " Really now?"
Suddenly even I was engaged. God saves fourth-graders!

"Nawww... not really... I mean, like, sometimes... but my mom's always working, and - my dad lives in Brooklyn, and my stupid brothers won't take me!"

"Guess what?" said Lydia, eager to put in her two cents. "My pastor says that before Jesus comes back there's going to be this Tribulation for seven years, and then there's going to be the Rapture, and..." She went on to tell me about all sorts of signs and wonders and strange stories of things to come - something about a cloth folded in a triangle signalling the Apocalypse...

(I don't know. I really don't.)

"WELL," I said, "I've never heard of that before. But... about that Jesus fellow..."

I muttered and stumbled and fell all over myself. I would have sounded like a perfect blundering idiot to anyone over 10... but these girls were right with me. The Lord really does have a sense of humor... He knew how much I could handle (or couldn't handle, more like), and He gave me just that. Just as I ran out of breath - and words - Kaya (who had remained mostly silent), looked up and asked...

"So, Miss Paasch, do you think Jesus would save even a ten-year-old who doesn' t know what do with her life?"

I took a deep breath, and grinned - I'm sure - from ear to ear.

"Yes, Kaya. I'm sure He will."

"Guess what?" she said, two days later, the moment I walked into the room. "I prayed already."
"REALLY?" I said, oozing excitement. "What did you pray?"

"I prayed for Jesus to save me, and my family too."

Wow, I thought. God, You're pretty cool. And somehow, I suddenly felt that all those early Tuesday mornings were now worth every inconvenience.

More to come...


Conversations
Sara Groves

I don't know how to say this
I don't know where to start
I don't know where to put my feet or where to put my hands
I've got them in my pockets
My fingers are freezing cold
They're wrapped around a ticket stub that's four weeks old,
And I don't know how to say this

I think we've figured out
That this world is bigger than you and I
And we've exhausted our wealth of knowledge
And no more answers for mankind
And we've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this all I have...
This is all that I am

And I'm not trying to judge you
No, that's not my job
I am just a seeker too,
In search of good...
Somewhere, somehow this subject became taboo
I have no other way to communicate to you
That this all that I have, this is all that I am

And I would like to share with you what makes me complete
I don't claim to have found the truth
But I know it has found me
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way He set me free....
And this is all that I have, this is all that I am -
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way He set me free,
And this is all that I have, this is all that I am,
It's all that I have and it's all that I am
It's all that I have and it's all...

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Oh the beauty of real, God-given, God-glorifying conversations... and what real, undying satisfaction there is in knowing that someone else knows and understands the beauty of my Savior. Oh the beauty of being faithful - in little things, in small opportunities...

... in the Great Commission.

Overthrow

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, should defend,
But is captived and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free -
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

- John Donne