Waffles and Spaghetti

Mood ring, oh, mood ring...

The male mind is a peculiar place. I have often wondered about its dark secrets, and have desired to further search out its depths, in order that I might see if there is anything therein truly worth searching out. Just tonight five of us sat around a pool table (not actually playing, just sitting around it) - and somehow (don't ask me the exact details of the "how") the female mind came up. It always does. Somehow we are the ones that are considered strange and complex - by the males, of course, who do not (at times) understand us in the least. They've written so many books on us, trying to study us and find -at times create - a method to our madness... but we rarely stop and take a moment to make heads or tails out of our outspoken and unruly students themselves. What goes on up there, anyway? Why? As this aforementioned conversation came to a close, it was ended, as usual, with the theme song of mankind... Mood Rings by Relient K.

Mood ring, oh, mood ring, oh tell me, will you bring the key
To unlock this mystery
Of girls and their emotions
Play it back in slow motion so I
May understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind.

Not too bad. It's a fair argument. After all, who knows, perhaps mood rings just might be the resolution to all of our differences and misunderstandings. However, if you've heard the rest of the song, I'm sure you're familiar with its all-too-catchy and often completely revolting lyrics...

Well first she's Jekyll, and then she's Hyde
At least she makes a lovely pair...

She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way
Her mood's out swinging on the swingset almost every day...

I tell you. The things those men come up with. That's really not all that fair. ;)

As that last verse was sung, I heaved a rather exaggerated sigh, and - to no one in particular - mentioned that perhaps ladies might have a thing or two to say about things the other way around. The Mood Rings singer therefore challenged me to elaborate - as he is in the habit of doing - and so, as not to cop-out, I write this the very night of said engagement. Let it never be said that I do not complete my word or my duty. ;)

I have heard said - by someone far more experienced and learned in this subject than I - that men are like waffles, and women like spaghetti. At first thought, this seems utter nonsense... but there's quite a gold mine of truth to be had in that short statement. Yes, they're both carbohydrates (as those of us who have, at some point, walked in the Atkins way should know)... but they have a few key differences. Let me gather all my powers of reasoning and try to explain.

Women are, indeed, a bit like that interesting and very common Italian pasta dish - all mixed up and thrown together, and yet somehow all the ingredients combine to make a delicious dinner. Don't ask us how every piece of pasta got to its exact location on the plate. It just did. We think in connections, and daily fly the banner of the determined multi-tasker. Our thoughts about anything and everything are always combined, always spring-boarding, and never really fully decipherable from the rest. We are at once organizing everything, and nothing.

I need an example. Hold on for a moment while I search around for something to better illustrate my meaning.

Alright. Being a girl, this wasn't too difficult. Observe the inner workings of that complex infrastructure for a moment.

Hmmm... I just took a quick glance into my clean, organized closet. Seeing it reminded me of Tia, who recently cleaned it for me. Tia's in the room right next to me. Thinking of Tia made me think of my plans with Tia tomorrow, and how we need to get a ride to Pan de Vida, our hispanic mission. My mind then branches (ah, the joys of springboarding) and at once I'm thinking of every possible ride-giver in the Valley, and also of the Canadian missionaries staying in my aunt's house, preventing Tia staying there any longer, and moving her into the room next to me. My mind then begins to organize tomorrow's schedule, with a ride-giver chosen from among the many. Do the Canadian missionaries need breakfast? Do they need a ride? Who could give them a ride? Who has a van? Two of my Spanish class students have vans that size. Spanish! Oh goodness, I need to finish that flyer for next semester! I wonder if those students will be taking classes again! I need my dad's computer to finish that flyer. Where is my dad? Is he still at work? Do I need to call him? While I call him, should I call my ride for Pan de Vida and the missionaries' ride? Where's my phone? Did I leave that at my friend's house? I wonder what she's doing right now, I should really give her a call....

And on, and on, and on it goes. There's really no end. And that's just a closet, an inanimate object, and really not very exciting - as objects go.

You see? Spaghetti!

Now we come to the confusing part.

Men, I've heard, are more like waffles. Their lives are considerably more compartmentalized, and they like it that way. It keeps things simple and understandable. As they go through each day, their mind slowly moves from box to box... and when they leave the box, all of its contents remain therein. I've even heard that there's a box with nothing in it. When guys are just sitting, doing nothing, they're in the empty box. We wish they would be thoughtful and help with the dishes... but they're not trying to be unthoughtful, they're just not in "thoughtful help" box right now. You see? They're so complex to us, in their very incomplexity!!! As women, we see someone sitting, staring off into proverbial space, and we want to know...

What's wrong? Did I do something? What's he thinking about? Maybe I can help him!! I'll just have him tell me. He won't tell me. He says nothing. He says he isn't thinking about anything! He's hiding something. He's hiding something and he doesn't want to tell me. What could it be? I did do something wrong, didn't I? Oh gosh. What now? Is this where the relationship ends? We can't be secretive like this... we just can't. He won't talk. He has nothing at all to say to me. What a jerk!!!!!!

Off storms the girl, bitter and pained... and there sits the guy, trying to understand why in the world she's gone off to cry now when he didn't say anything.

The beautiful thing about it is this, though... things don't have to stay that way. We don't have to misunderstand each other forever. God made our minds differently, in order that they might complement each other all the better. Now, perhaps I wouldn't eat waffles and spaghetti together and be much impressed with the ensuing stomach ache (or gained pounds!!!)... but the sovereign Creator's design for men and women is, indeed, an awesome and praiseworthy thing. There's a reason for that diverting little feeling in the pit of your stomach that the world commonly calls chemistry. There's a reason why a little girl loves spending time with her father.
There's a reason why there's two kinds of us.

Let us not forget.

As girls, we always want to be talking. We like constant and meaningful communication. (I know, because I've been there, am in the process of being there, and will probably be "there" in the future.) We want to say what's on our mind, and we want that significant him to understand. We want him to listen. We want to be comforted. We don't want to just tell him; we want him to ask us what we're thinking about and why. We don't always want him to do something proactive about fixing said problem, necessarily... but somehow the problem is made so much better just by knowing that he listened; that he understood. That he cared.

Men are, by nature, leaders. This is how they were made by a very wise and sovereign Creator. And so, I'm told, they do want to fix things. They want to take the lead. Perhaps - with all of our multi-task thinking, we have a great idea for the way things should be, or shouldn't be. And, programmed to be helpmates as we are, we think that the leader ought to know our revolutionary idea. (!!!!) But, my friends, this is not always prudent or helpful. In our desire to be so, we can sometimes detract from their role and depreciate their leadership. Sometimes a helpmate must just sit back and listen and trust. A hard lesson learned - but absolutely invaluable in its application.

Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Catch that? Suitable!! According to good old Merriam-Webster, suitable means 'having the required skills for... performance'. Synonyms: competent, able, qualified... good. God's plan is good. His creation, His design, and our differences are good.

There's a lot more I could say, but this is what I'm left with: God's plan, His creation, His design, and our differences are good. We are all sinners... misunderstandings and conflict and pain will come. But, with God's great grace, I am committed to going beyond. I don't want to stay there. It will be an adventure - but I want to love my brothers in Christ as Christ Himself would, looking past these little differences and marvelling in two things: our common salvation, and the separate, beautiful, complementary roles that God has created for us.
I don't know about you, but I love mine.

Let us commit to this together. Let us seek strong, God-centered relationships together. This is God's heart for us... and herein, I believe, is much blessing and great hope. Let us spur each other on to love and good deeds! Let us not lose sight of our great salvation; here is a bond we share that cannot be broken. And let us seek the help of Him who made us both, in His infinite wisdom and to the praise of His glory.

Forget mood rings. Forget waffles and spaghetti; boxes and pasta; conflict and hurt and all that they bring. Let us not gaze at each other, in desire or in bitterness... but let us strive for our Savior and for His glory together.


This is what we were made for.

Colossians 3:5-11

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have put off the old self with its desires and practices, and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. (!) Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, [waffles or spaghetti], barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all and is in all.

Colossians 3:5-11 *additions mine
HEV (Hannah's Elongated Version)

*All references to waffles and spaghetti come from Bill and Pam Farrel's very informative volume on these two food groups.




Here it comes, a beautiful collision...